Resources · Daniela's shelf
The books, podcasts, talks and research that shaped how I build community in real life. Each one has a note from me on why it matters to you as a host. No algorithm, no affiliate links, just my shelf.
Start here if your events feel fine but forgettable.
Book · 2018
Priya Parker
The book I wish every host read before her first event. Decide the purpose first, then let it make every other choice for you, down to who you don't invite.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): The Art of GatheringTalk · 2019 · 15 min
Priya Parker, TED
If you only have fifteen minutes today, watch this. It will change how you open your next event.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): 3 steps to turn everyday get-togethers into transformative gatheringsBook · 2016
Charles Vogl
Seven principles for belonging, from boundaries to traditions to inner circles. Practical, short, and the clearest map I know for turning a crowd into a community.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): The Art of CommunityFor when you're ready to build something that runs without you holding all of it.
Book · 2008
Peter Block
Community changes one conversation at a time. Block gives you the questions that move a room from complaining to owning it together.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): Community: The Structure of BelongingBook · 2017
adrienne maree brown
Small is good, small is all. How movements grow the way nature does: through relationship, not control. The closest thing I've found to a matriarchal playbook.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): Emergent StrategyBook · 2017
Brené Brown
True belonging means you never have to shrink to fit in. Read it before you write the rules for your circle.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): Braving the WildernessThe bigger picture: why what you're building matters right now.
Book · 2000
Robert D. Putnam
The classic on how Americans stopped joining things, and what we lost when the clubs, leagues and potlucks disappeared.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): Bowling AloneBook · 1989
Ray Oldenburg
Where the idea of the “third place” comes from: not home, not work, but the spot where you're known. Every host is building one.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): The Great Good PlaceBook · 2020
Vivek H. Murthy
The former U.S. Surgeon General on loneliness as a health crisis, and on connection as the medicine.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): TogetherReport · 2023 · free
U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory
The official report. Short, free and full of numbers you can quote when someone asks why community work is real work.
Read the report → (opens in a new tab): Our Epidemic of Loneliness and IsolationResearchers who turned what women have always known into data. Bring these to anyone who calls community work fluffy.
Book · 2021
Robin Dunbar
The scientist behind “Dunbar's number” on how friendship actually works, and why we can only hold so many people close.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): FriendsBook · 2023
Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz
Lessons from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has run for over 80 years. The answer to what makes a good life keeps coming back to relationships.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): The Good LifeBook · 2024
Kasley Killam
Social health as the third pillar next to physical and mental health, with simple ways to build it.
Find the book → (opens in a new tab): The Art and Science of ConnectionFor your walk, your commute, or the drive home after an event.
Podcast series · 2020
Priya Parker, The New York Times
Parker talking with people who found new ways to gather when they couldn't be in the same room. Full of ideas you can steal for real life too.
Listen → (opens in a new tab): Together ApartPodcast episode
Unlocking Us with Brené Brown
Two of my favorite thinkers on why most gatherings fall flat and how to make yours meaningful.
Listen → (opens in a new tab): Brené with Priya Parker on The Art of GatheringPodcast episode
The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
Why making friends feels so hard after school, and the small habits that actually work. Send it to every woman who says she's too busy for friends.
Listen → (opens in a new tab): The Secret to Making Friends as an AdultPodcast series
U.S. Surgeon General's podcast
Conversations about loneliness, connection and what heals us, with guests from musicians to scientists.
Listen → (opens in a new tab): House Calls with Dr. Vivek MurthyShort talks to watch alone, or better, together with your circle.
Talk · 2015 · 13 min
Robert Waldinger, TEDx
The director of the longest study on adult life, with the answer in one word: relationships. One of the most watched TED talks ever.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): What makes a good life?Talk · 2017 · 16 min
Susan Pinker, TED
A psychologist visits a village where people live into their hundreds. The secret is not the diet. It's the face-to-face contact.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): The secret to living longer may be your social lifeTalk
Kasley Killam, TED
Her book in a few minutes. A simple way to think about how much connection you're getting, and how to get more.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): Why social health is key to happiness and longevityTalk · 2010 · 20 min
Brené Brown, TEDx
Connection is why we're here, and you can't have it without being seen. Every circle you build depends on this.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): The power of vulnerabilityTalk · 2015 · 15 min
Johann Hari, TED
His big line: the opposite of addiction is connection. A powerful reason why what you're building matters.
Watch the talk → (opens in a new tab): Everything you think you know about addiction is wrongThe studies behind the Catapult method. Most are free to read, and the first few paragraphs tell you what you need.
Study · 2018
Jeffrey A. Hall, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
About 50 hours to a casual friend, 90 to a friend, over 200 to a close friend. The reason one great night isn't enough.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): How many hours does it take to make a friend?Study · 2000
Shelley E. Taylor and colleagues, Psychological Review
Under stress, women often reach for each other. The research that named it.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Tend and befriendStudy · 2015
Tarr, Launay, Cohen and Dunbar, Biology Letters
Moving together in rhythm makes people feel closer. Why music and dance belong in your gatherings.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Dancing in sync raises pain thresholds and bonds usStudy · 2010
Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton, PLOS Medicine
A review of 148 studies: strong social ties are linked to a much better chance of living longer. Connection is health.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Social relationships and mortality riskPaper · 1986
David McMillan and David Chavis, Journal of Community Psychology
The classic definition: membership, influence, shared needs and a shared emotional connection. A checklist for any community you build.
Find the paper → (opens in a new tab): Sense of community: A definition and theoryPaper · 1995
Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary, Psychological Bulletin
Belonging isn't a nice-to-have. It's a basic human need, as real as food and shelter.
Read the paper → (opens in a new tab): The need to belongStudy · 1997
Arthur Aron and colleagues, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
The famous 36 questions. Strangers who answered them together felt close in under an hour. Great inspiration for icebreakers that go deeper.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): The experimental generation of interpersonal closenessStudy · 2011
Konvalinka and colleagues, PNAS
During a fire-walking festival in Spain, the heart rates of walkers and their loved ones watching rose and fell together. Shared experiences literally sync us.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Synchronized arousal in a fire-walking ritualStudy · 2014
Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General
Commuters who talked to a stranger had a better ride than those who kept to themselves, even though they predicted the opposite. We underestimate how good connection feels.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Mistakenly seeking solitudeStudy · 2014
Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
Even small chats with acquaintances lift our mood. The regulars who just say hi at your events matter too.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Social interactions and well-being: The surprising power of weak tiesStudy · 2015
Eiluned Pearce, Jacques Launay and Robin Dunbar, Royal Society Open Science
Singing groups bonded faster than craft or writing groups. Want a room to feel close quickly? Make sound together.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): The ice-breaker effect: Singing mediates fast social bondingStudy · 2015
Julianne Holt-Lunstad and colleagues, Perspectives on Psychological Science
Loneliness and isolation raise the risk of early death about as much as other well-known health risks. The follow-up to her 2010 review.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortalityStudy · 2018
Erica Boothby and colleagues, Psychological Science
After talking with someone new, we think they liked us less than they really did. Remind your guests: she liked you more than you think.
Read the study → (opens in a new tab): The liking gap in conversationsKeep going
Join the free 30-day community challenge and put this into practice, one small step a day, with a circle of women doing it alongside you.
Is there a book that changed how you gather? Tell me at daniela@catapultcommunity.co and it might end up on the shelf.